Marilyn Wallach
My support group journey
The words "you have cancer" can turn your world turn upside down. Cancer invades you, as well as the lives of your family and friends. Yet running through your mind are statements such as: "I will be strong for my family ... I have support ... I want to keep life as normal as possible ... I'll get through this."
And, for awhile, you do — because you're still in shock, following your doctor's instructions. Then one day, without the slightest warning, you suddenly feel very alone. People say they are "there" for you, but you feel misunderstood. That's because they're not going through it. They are watching you go through it.
I reached this point and it shocked me. I had been diagnosed with breast cancer and would eventually undergo a mastectomy, radiation, and chemotherapy. My husband suggested I try a support group. "There will be women in the group going through the same thing who will understand," he said. Given information on support groups when I was in the hospital, I had put it aside.
Finally, I contacted a group in my region and went to my first meeting, feeling anxious. It was the second meeting of a seven-week group for newly-diagnosed breast cancer patients, and I was the newcomer. Ten women welcomed me warmly. We introduced ourselves, told a bit about our diagnoses and treatment, and revealed whatever was on our minds. Keeping silent was OK, too. Anything expressed stayed in the room.
My group provided a wealth of information about the physical and emotional effects of breast cancer. I got ideas on how to wear hats and scarves that I wouldn't have come up with on my own. Having lost eyelashes as well as other body hair, I gratefully received a variety of beauty (make-up) tips that helped me to compensate. We spoke of how our kids and husbands were coping (or not) and offered mutual advice. Sometimes we cried, but often tears arose from laughing so hard. I felt more alive than I had in weeks. I thanked my husband for his suggestion, because I no longer felt the kind of loneliness I did earlier. I moved on to join the survivor group — some 20 women meeting monthly.
Recently, my cancer has metastasized to different parts of my body. Continuing the battle, I thank my "support sisters" for keeping me sane. They are the strongest, most compassionate people I know, possessed of great humor and strong spirit, welcoming me with open arms. They appreciate life and are thankful for every moment given to them. We are an inspiration to one another.
Joining a support group has been a life-altering decision for me, and it has dispelled all of my prior misconceptions. I now belong to a support group for women with advanced cancer.
For anyone who has rejected joining a cancer support group of any type, I urge you to think again. Even if you can "do this alone," you are missing out on an opportunity to learn what the human spirit is capable of. You will learn from people who have been where you are (or are about to go), and you can empower others to survive what you've been through.
